Spoke a little too soon..

Nurse called yesterday to let me know that once again, my vD level is low (27 as suppose the 30's). I stopped the vD pill in the summer because I was getting ridiculous amount of sun and lots of great, organic food. More pills, yay. Also, apparently Labcop did not perform the Antibody test, so I have to go to get it done. 
Next week we get to know a lot of stuff, timing on the priming, tentative stim/retrival date, etc.  Of course being the FB group adm gives me a great excuse to be mentally drained in the infertility gossip all day long, or whenever I'm on my computer/phone...
My head is spinning. Literally all day, it's spinning around the fact that after 5 years of trying, we are still babyless.  I don't want to be making a holiday card with the two of us and our two furry pals smiling while trying to hint that our life is flawless.. it's not without children, by all means. We love eachother, and DH is truly an amazing human being, but I need to be a mother, or I will be sad and depressed forever.
When DH and I met, became friends, courted and finally decided to join our unions, we receive warm blessings, and also nasty predicaments, that our relationship "won't last", or we "will never have a baby because. .." I know people will say the nastiest things if it means hurting you would please them, I do not take these things to heart. Time will always do the talk, and we are just glad that these people are not part of our lives. 
Why and why? All ask the question. It can't be answered because our technology isn't advanced enough to beat good embryos out of us 100% of the time, or make the embryos stick...or..so on.  Moreover,  where is my place among the many tales of infertile? Would I be lucky enough to pass on my/our genes to bio logical children? Or do we eventually succumb to mother nature's "winner's survival" rule, when people are feeding me stories of "single sperm IVF success", or "woman at 60's becomes mother of twins via IVF"? All seems like we at least stand some chance...right?

Best blood draw EVER

I decided to finish some blood work that were still missing from Ccrm's chart, separate from the day3 blood planned for the hospital.  There is a new Labcorp right around the corner I discovered the other day, since it's so close I went this morning so we are on a clean slate next week. The place was completely empty, clean and quiet. The receptionist who was also the blood tech drew my blood in a matter if minutes:) I also asked about day2 and the answer was an expected "no". Oh well!  

One week before Beta3 and D2/3 blood draw

A few days ago I was walking our dog in the morning, when I ran into a lady who lives nearby. I had completely forgotten that she was 8 month pregnant at the time, when my dog started to "hop" over to her dogs, wanting to say hi, which made her dogs also started to get excited.  She told me that she'd rather not have my dog near her because she was "super pregnant".  Boy, is there a day I'd be able to say something like that?
As to the biopsy and d2/3 blood, I have another week to go, errrr.
There is a point of time, where I feel like our baby dreams seems so far....
I just want to get started on those patches, needles, hormones and pills, I don't care how unpleasant they are!!!!!

Ovulation, you stressed me out!

My ovulation delayed for days before it finally surged midnight last night. Since I needed this date to determine my beta3 test, I feared that somehow I have missed the surge. But, it's here, and I'm going to call my OB today. Another step closer to our lab dream, yay!

Ccrm Manual

Finally have my day3 blood shipping kit coming on the way, yay. Called the hospitals outpatient lab to confirm today, double checking for any possibility of unwanted surprise. Luckily all confirmed as long as I have the order, the kit and the prepaid shipping label. One step closer to our Jan cycle. Still lots to be done!

Regroup recap

Regroup call was rather nerve wracking to begin with when Dr. S said my AMH was at 1.7, whereas they "like to see it at 1.8"... :( ---BUT! We are going forward with the Testostrone Priming Protocol this month (mid-late Decmber), with the expectation of cycling in Jan.

Now we keep calm and get through the last to the holiday season!