More ENDOMETRIN

Today's e2-3399, p4-19.5 Which the nurse thought it was boarder line acceptable but wanted me to continue Endometrin 1xday for another week until next Monday, then we'll see if we get to graduate then. Come on progesterone! Work it baby!!

Weaning in progress

All looks good, e2 from last Tuesday was 3690, p4: was 40, that was good enough to be the day of my last PIO & Vivelle patch.  The test was repeated on Friday-- e2 went to 3125, p4 was 26 which my nurse said it looks good, and I should decrease Endometrin from 2xday to 1xday, then we're doing another panel next Tuesday, if all goes well, I'll graduate from CCRM. Let's cross our fingers :)

Stomach hasn't been exactly trooper, very very mild nausea starting this week. :/

Week 12, continuing the weaning, decaf coffee

 Yesterday I had my first cup of decaf since September.  It had been so long and I was beginning to forget what coffee tasted like. At this point I might never go back to drinking coffee (regularly at least). Oh well.

I just received the call confirming that I am to stop PIO & Vivelle patches, but still go with Endometrin 2xday until this Friday's test, then maybe by next week I will graduate. I can't possibly express how happy my buns are right now, this morning S had to poke 3 times before he finally was able to complete the PIO, my cheek on duty was literally rejecting it, ha...!
There isn't much to say about week12, the nausea is at its worst in the afternoon and evening. Breakfast is my best meal of the day and I'm eating a ton.  Still cannot think about garlic, onion or tomatoes, instead I'm going for more blend taste.

Settling down

Just prior to turning 11 weeks I had a few days that I was super nauseated at night, then 11th week came and "poooof", no more nightly nausea. I'm still getting upset stomach and that general "ughh" feeling throughout the day, but now I can sleep though the night.  Of course, in light of MS, despite all unpleasantness, I'm reminded of the changes inside of me and a sign of the peanut is growing rapidly.  Now The sporting/bleeding has completely gone, with the nausea subsiding, I'm wondering if the dust has finally settled and we can really begin to expect something to go normally.

I turned in the record request for boh S and myself, hopefully these documents will be emailed to us in the timely fashion.. New OB's office doesn't let me make the first appointment without being released from CCRM, I will have to call as soon as my nurse calls with the graduatory message. Bummer, was hoping to secure a date for the next ultra sound with the OB..

Weaning!

Today's E2-2257
P4-32
Starting Sunday Dec21st-
--1 Vivelle patch every other day
--half cc PIO every other day
--2 endometrin every day

ALMOST THERE!! :)

11 weeks

MS has gotten worse in the PM since last week...was told by my nurse told no more scans until I'm released from CCRM (boo)!  Going in for another blood and see where we're at tomorrow, hopefully, all meds will be stopped before Christmas...!

Cravings, advoidings, etc

A little summery to the pregnancy logistics so far:
1. Week 1-5: Nothing special physically just lots of worries
2. Week 5-6: Saw first heart beats, light spotting/bleeding started, 2 occasions of bright red/pink spotting.
3. Week 6-8: Still spotting but no longer red, one baby stopped growing around week7
4. Week 8: Light nausea started to surface more, still have brown spotting
5. Week 9-10: Spotting gradually stopped, daily PM nausea, weaker digestion. WEIRD dreams....-__-

Cravings Week5-8
1. Sour & Spicy stuff especially Chinese food

Food & snacks Week8-10

1. Tomato, cucumber and onion salad with balsamic vinegar.

 2. Sour patches

 3. Salty stuff in the AM

4. Tomato beef stew (hmmmmm)

 

5. Light night KFC (not so great for bedtime)

General avoidings starting around week 8
1. Garlic
2. Chili Pepper
3. Fish other than sushi
4. Still haven't had a single drop of coffee
5. Cheese
6. Thought of beef and pork

Things that make me smile :)

WAWA Quesadilla with pepper jack cheese

 Bitter sweet Black Forest Cake

10 Weeks (or 9 wk 4d)

3rd ultra sound reveled a healthy 10 week old baby, measuring perfect in every ways so far and was moving all over the place. I'm so relieved, I can finally breath a little since last week.
Swim little peanut swim!
Now let's see what the blood looks like and if we are able to wean off some of the meds..

The need to grieve and let it go

The most bizarre feeling of losing an early twin is knowing its physical existence inside of me, next to its sibling, but without any trace of life.
 I looked at it directly and I looked so hard, as the doctor probed back and forth attempting to discover signs of heart beat yesterday.  I saw its cloudy sac and its movement-less little body, and I knew it wasn't right--but I wanted to remember it.  It was hard to imagine something begins with heart beat, but at some point it just seized to continue. As much as I tried to justified the nature's needs to make better selection when it comes to reproductive cycles, also knowing many women experience early stage miscarriage, it still sickens me that it actually did happen to our little bean.
We decided to go to NY to see friends instead of me probably staring at the ceiling thinking about it all day yesterday, it was the right thing to do.  I was exhausted when we returned home last night, I went to bed and felt asleep in seconds. When the morning came, suddenly I woke up remembering that one of the little beings, the other sprinkle of our love is no longer with us. A dull sense of denial begin to spread... The new ultra sound picture of our healthy bean was on the table, but I didn't want to look at it as it would remind me too much of our loss.  Looking back at the old ultra sound picture, I now can tell that there were indications of a developmental issues with the fetus, it was bond to happen...
Today I'm feeling emotional, I know there still are gallons of tears waiting to pour out, but the very fact that we are still pregnant with one healthy baby, is already the best therapy.
Our friends said when she also lost an early twin, she and her husband quietly lit a candle to say good bye to the baby. I really appreciate the sentiment, but I don't think we can ever say good bye, at least not until its complete absorption.
I now know when people speak of miscarriage, how they feel both in heart and mind. The need to grieve will dwell a bit, but we'll get through it.

Heart broken

When we saw the initial ultra sound today we knew immediately something was not right. Dr. first went to the left gestational sac and right away we saw a healthy fetus with a good HB of 124. When he switched to the right, the sac was visably smaller, no movement, no heart beat. I knew it wasn't normal, but was hoping dr gave a difference view. Sadly he agreed that the little fetus had stopped growing about a week and half ago. Our hearts broke. We collected ourselves and left the clinic for the train to NY, we had plans to see some friends.

There is no diagnosis as to why baby B gave out, chromosomally both embryos tested normal so I can only think of there were growth issues present from the begining. 

We have one baby left and so far it's doing well, we have to focus on that.

The only thing that really stinks is the prospect of having to return to CCRM again in 2 years....:[