8 WEEKS

2nd ultra sound is scheduled for Monday Dec1, trying not to think about it too much...
Speaking of pregnancy symptoms, I'm still a newbie.  Everyday I wonder if something is going to happen, but things are slow moving.  My mom told me that she did not experience much of anything during her pregnancy, only a few instance of nausea as she was working in a factory and lived a very active life.  I'm guessing she didn't have much time to reflect on her sensations/symptoms--she also did not have any ultra sound.  This explains why she is a lot more relaxed about our miracle pregnancy...
Starting at week7, I am pretty much waking up and going to sleep under a vale of light nausea, it's not bad by any measure, but holidays like thanksgiving doesn't make it better...even though I used to love all the food. After putting the turkey in the oven, we went for a nice walk with our fur pal Mo. He saw his first Thanksgiving parade by the Philly museum area and he absolutely enjoyed it as so did people who tolerated his bumpy nose :) By the time we got home, the turkey was ready to be basted as it reached the beautiful golden brown.  I had my turkey dinner cooked by S which was so delicious with recipes coming from his mom's cook book, however as I tried to swallow some drumsticks, it was just not going down without a fight from the bottom of my stomach... It's literally rejecting it...  :(Afterwards S used the bones to cook a nice pot of turkey soup which I had to promptly turn it off because the scent of it was making waves of light nausea into something gut turning...
Still, so much to be thankful for, so much gratitude and so much joy.

7 weeks

Entering into a new phase, I'm 7 weeks & 1 day today. Honestly aside from the sore boobs and occasional queasiness, the morning sickness "break" has not "hit me hard", knock on wood!

I haven't been having any red/pink bleed/spotting, maybe it's because I'm not inserting my progestsrobe suppositories so deep now ( used to stick it until I couldn't go any futhur..) Also no more period like cramps. Since we saw the heart beats I've been feeling better/more confident about this pregnancy, it used to worry me sick thinking something was deemed to go wrong..we're not out of woods yet, and won't be for a long while, but right now I'm not living on pins and needles:) 2nd Ultra sound in 2 weeks!

Everything is fine

First ultra sound revealed two heart beats...!! My eyes teared up when we saw their little white flickering hearts which only looked like dots.

I worried myself sick and so did S during the last several days. Now we feel a little relief.  I still can not believe there are two tiny babies inside of me with their hearts beating away, it is the most bizzar yet wonderful thing to feel.:)

Is she or is she not?

The series episodes of bleeding/spotting/cramping has stirred up so much concern and fear since the end of my 5th week. This morning I woke up and my breasts aren't as sore and heavy as before. I know my brain is in denial and is looking for any signs of validations. I am 120% paranoid but who isn't  in this process where you are like a salmon fish jumping up stream while every step of way is full of danger. It's definitely a survivors game.

I made a call to my nurse knowing she won't be pleased to have to send us another script for Wednesday. But I am insisting because I can not withstand another day of being in the dark. If a miscarriage is imminent, then let us embrace ourselves before it.  

I tried to keep my concerns indivisible to S, but he could sense my nerves, so I spilled the beans about the cramping and not so sore boobs. With miscarrge being such prominent threat, that is all my brain is wrapped around at the moment.

Right now I'm off my feet again, had a little spotting this morning that looked like follow up to the previous bleed. So far no more cramps but I can still feel light pressure in my uterine area.

Still waiting for the nurse to call back.

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Update,

My nurse did call back and she was ok with me going in one day early and indicated that cramps/spottings are normal, as long as not accompanied by red clots passing. Thankfully, nothing that severe yet.

A big hug and thanks to friends checking up on me... Sorry I've made you worry!:)

The spotting continues

The past couple of days I continue to have brownish spotting. Today there was another red/pinkish spotting, followed by more pink/brownish spotting and I sensed some cramping. It's not the normal period cramping, it's more like a full, stretching sensation. With my periods I usually feel coldness in the lower abdomen, and wet sensation below the cervix. However my mom said to have abusolute bed rest and contributed the bleeding to an "unstable interin lining", I couldn't convince her on the progesterone theory. She basically ordered me to bed rest for the first trimester....ugh, it might be what I should do...

Here's what I'm  going to do--I'll go get my ultra sound on Wednesday, instead of Thursday and decide from there. I'm reading countless stories about first trimester cramping/bleeding, there seems to be a big division on the ending of each fate, it's really 50/50. And with us FET girls there are more complications..

I'm trying to stay strong and have faith in our future, but part of me is still very pessimistic. I remeber when I first saw the spotting my first thought was "well that was nice while it lasted", I actually felt relieved for a moment as if I had been waiting for my own pregnancy to fail...the truth is, I'm so terrified of having our only chance taken away.. Need to remain positive..

Silly Me

This process of awaiting ultra sound is so stressful.  There was a little more brown discharge this morning, but no cramp or clot passing. That makes a total of 3 occasional light bleed/spotting. I had 3 wonfo hpt strip left so I was tempted to use them to find some intermediate comfort. SO wrong of me to do that. The first strip came back with the HCG line looking considerably lighter than 5 days ago, I thought well I'll just use the other 2 strips to avoid quality control issues.  Both strips came back looking identical to the first test, which the HCG line, compared to my earlier tests, appear to be at least half lighter in intensity. Talking about doing silly things under pressure. Now I am seriously paranoid. Ok, logically speaking, I have had a few spotting episodes, which none is severe or led to cramping or heavy bleeding. My e2 and p4 as of last Thursday was all looking good, even though the spotting first started in that afternoon. People are all telling me that spotting/light  bleeding is normal as many have experienced it. Maybe I've just encountered what's called"hook effect" of hpt. When your HCG level becomes too high, the hpt would resist reading it due to sensitivity. I hope that's what it is!
I tried to get my nurse to advance the ultra sound date, but she thought it would be better for us to wait rather than not being able to see heart beats. So I agree, we should wait, but this wait is killing me! >.<

Little more spotting/bleeding

I've supposedly turned 6w today. This morning I woke up to another liner with pinkish reddish light flow. There was a little gasping within me because I was hoping it would have stopped while it was just brownish spotting. However it's not a heavy, consistent flow, not dark red and no clots. The worry shall never stop...:/

Spotting

Ok I'm not freaking out, I had been wondering if there would be any spotting, well, here it is. I went to the bathroom and there was light pink and some brown spotting on my liner. Good thing I'm not experiencing any cramp or discomfort. When my nurse calls about my E2&P4 I'll let her know this happened...6days until ultra sound!

Oh snack!

A little bit of nausea officially kicked off yesterday, I'm not really sure if it's the real thing, it could be the progestrone consider how much I'm being prescribed to use. It just feels like there's always something in my stomach lurking its way out without a strong presence, yet. Am I imagining it? Anyway, yesterday I had craves for green olives,hmmmm. Today I made sweet yam mixed with plain yogurt.

It settles my stomach a bit but I don't think they will hold too long before my next craving obsession. 9 more days to ultra sound!!

  

A thousand jabs and living in constant fear

S is out of town until Sunday so I have to outsource the PIO shots. Luckily RMA Philly agreed to have me come in and a nice nurse would do the injections. Those ladies are SO GOOD!
While I was leaving, the receptionist and I somehow started talking about twin pregnancy and vanishing twin syndrome. Turns out she also have IVF at RMA, and one of her twins vanished between the 1st and 2nd ultra sound. At this point we don't even know if twins is eminent, it can just be an very early implantation of one of the 2 embies, we won't know the answer until the 20th, which is still 2 weeks away, but I have already started to worry, alas!
Last night I woke up in the middle of the night, asking myself if it's really happening? I don't feel anything different, asides from the early evening drowsiness, but that I'm sure is caused by the 3 daily progestrone insert & PIO shots, they are eeeevvvvilllll!!
I'm trying to stay busy so that ultra sound day comes quicker--!

Finally the 2nd Beta

I've lived another 24 hours of pins and needles waiting for the beta, assuring myself that everything was going well and they would have called if something seemed odd. The nurse finally called, 2nd beta is officially 900, it seemed to have double well. Progestrone came up greater than 40 and estrogen is 373. PHEW.
We had an early morning appointment so things were bit rushy as I was trying to help S to load the PIO needle while he got ready. Somehow I got distracted and handed him the syringe without switching to the smaller needle,  it was jabbed in my butt before he realized it!!!!!! Take your time with PIO shots!! Lessons learned!!! >_<

Where/what is my beta???

Waited all day for the call for the 2nd beta, never got it:( Called the emergency line at 4pm, told to call back at 8pm if I don't hear back, no calls until 8pm, so I called again. The on-call nurse had no idea where my beta was or whether they even received it. Someone from CCRM is suppose to call people if their test was missing, I never got a call about missing test or my beta. 

This is so sickening, I'm really low on my Vivelle patches and I have no idea which pharmarcy in Philly has it without getting it shipped from NY:(((((

I'm started to feeling some cramps, ugh hope everything is alright down there:///