Praying

I'm praying for people I have come to know (in life or through internet) to have a great success in their cycle. It will also make me feel better about the unfairness of IF.  You are in my thoughts.

Presumed Chemical

At my last failed cycle I cried on my husband's shoulder for a long time asking why couldn't I get pregnant; even a miscarriage or a chemical pregnancy would at least prove that my uterus is somehow "putting it to work". Well, this is it, a presumed chemical pregnancy, the best I can do.
My hpt has gone completely stark after a few days of shadow chasing (it was getting darker). I thought this was happening for me, after all these years of disappointments, heartaches and tears. However, inside there was a voice telling me to stop the dreaming.  Well, the dream is just a dream. The sobbing phase hasn't hit me just yet, I'm busy until this Friday, then when everything settles down, I'll let the emotion run, right now it needs to be tucked away. ..Must. Have. A happy face for friends and work....

Case scenario

I have been lurking around those fertility forums like everyone else. I also follow blogs, as weird is it sounds, as soon as you get to know "strangers" by sharing IF issue and related event, you become somewhat attached to the person, as well as their battle.  There have been so many times where I would have loved to leave comments and words of encouragements, but I'm not the best kind of example for anyone fighting IF--I've done 6 IVFs & 9 IUIs and never had a m/c, I'm a bad case scenario here.  So forgive me for lurking through your site holding my tongue, trust me, I would loved to see nothing more than all of you get knocked up today (and myself of course)!
POAS remains inconclusive, by the way...

Previously...

This afternoon I uploaded a picture of a series of post trigger hpt, when I thought it was getting somehow "darker"--the opposite of what I am used to seeing. The truth is, I knew I was most likely chasing shadows, but I just enjoyed having even the slimiest gleam of hope-- that maybe, just.maybe this cycle worked...out of all odds...I've been staring at those tests for so long,
I could probably see anything out if it...it's not even a remote positive and I'm losing my s&$t over it already... :(

What is this

I woke up earlier than my husband did this morning, which is rare, he is the early bird and I am that lazy bum...but I had a very uneasy night, dreams after dreams...as soon as I opened my eyes, I felt a period like cramp, along with that "uh-oh" sensation.  It's 11 days past trigger, 6 days past transfer for me.  I started to test the trigger since 4dp3dt/9dpt (top one), that very day the trigger was still visible, the next day it was stark, so I figured it was completely gone from my system.

A free IVF, so far:/

Just realized we haven't paid for out IVF this cycle. I was at the billing window twice asking for the balance since they make sure everything is squared away before proceeding to the ET, this time the billing lady said she couldn't find me on her "list", so I actually had the checkbook in hand but couldn't pay for anything! Now I'm curious to see how long it would take for them to realize this. We have had much problem with the billing at my clinic, but it's usually us chasing them for over charges so this time I'm definitely not in the hurry ;P

Finally getting a negative on the trigger today. I have not had any cramp what so ever this cycle. I can't remember if my last ivf cycle in August was the same, but I sure had more cramps on iui cycles-- maybe not having the eggs for the first three days makes the difference? Anyway, who knows.

9 day past trigger today

According to the Internet goddesses:

Ovidrel has a half life of 27 hours. Most pregnancy tests trip at about 25IU. 250mcg of Ovidrel is about equivalent to 6700IU. So ...

27 hours after trigger (let's just call it day 1), you should have 1/2 of 6700 left in your system, or 3350
Day 2, half of that or 1675
Day 3, 837.50
Day 4, 418.75
Day 5, 209.375
Day 6, 104.6875
Day 7, 52.344
Day 8, 26.172
Day 9, 13.09 *

Well, my Wondfo is still picking up a visible pink line today, at a 9 day past trigger, that means the hcg in my system is still greater than 25mcg,  I guess I'm a day or two behind? Usually by the 12th day past trigger does the second line disappears almost 100% on me, in addition I swear those "internet cheapies"can pick up anything from 5-10mcg.

Also, got this from a friend for encouragment ;) You are so sweet! The little crown is such a nice touch lol!