Friday, August 30, 2013

The new day

Started to prepare for the first day of teaching at 5am! Thanks to the time change!

Thursday, August 29, 2013

Emm..

I called IVI today asking if they have received my consent, and more importantly, found any donor.  The replied "yes" on the consent and "no" on the donor.  I asked how do they know they'd find any donor for me in the future, since in their most recent search there is obviously no one in the entire database. They replied "call at the next period".
I don't know.  There is not a shred of confidence in me that they will find a donor for me in the near future (we're talking about 3 months being the near future)...

Tuesday, August 27, 2013

All packed...again!

We're just about to leave for the airport.  This has been a short and busy summer with some sad moments...but ce la vie!

Monday, August 26, 2013

Last day of summer

Bah...returning home tomorrow.  Summer is ended and so on...
My period came 5 days early, guess since the transfer was canceled my glorious lining decided to shed it all.
I emailed the clinic but have not gotten any response, well, my consent is probably still on it's way.

Tuesday, August 20, 2013

Take a deep breath and think with my two heads

You know how life can hit you so fast sometimes?
Our trip to IVI in Madrid yesterday was a smooth one. The facility seems impressive (I took some photos and found a few from their website); the reception is friendly and the price is great.  Here's one problem, though, their donors are from Spain ONLY. To find my match, I would have to search through a pool of mix-raced donors, all with some Spanish lineage.  I don't mind that.  It's not the blood or the lineage that I care, it's not that I'm not going to love this child so much and make him/her the happiest person ever.  I feel like with every treatment, every consultation, our chance to become parents soon is even more remote, and our choice is more limited.  There are frozen donor egg that costs about $15000>< a cycle, in which you get 5 eggs only, and you have to share with others. A regular fresh DE cycle costs about $25000>< in NY, but I'm sure with charges add up it will get to around $30000.  The price for a fresh DE cycle in IVI goes up to $13000, including your meds, her meds, lab works, scans, both women's tests..etc. And all we have to do is sign the consent and begin the process.  Since we already bought the meds for me and did additional blood tests for DH yesterday, our next trip will be the transfer, provide that DH's sperm properly fertilize the eggs...
It's all happening too fast, I hardly had a chance to settle my brain down...;(



Had my first scan and mock transfer at IVI.



The gift shop...


Sunday, August 18, 2013

Someday when I look back

This better be worth it.
Since the doctor at CFC recommended IVI in Spain, we got in touch with them right away over the weekend, because at the least we can give them our file and chat in person.  The doctor at IVI quickly got back to us, trying to help us to set up the appointment -- IN SPAIN!! Since we are neighbor to Spain until the end of the month, we decided to go for a quick trip.  Luckily we were able to get a last minute over night train to get to Madrid (leave Monday night --arrive Tuesday morning), meet with the doctor and leave in the afternoon on the same day...it's insane, it almost feels like we are moving too fast with this...from reading what the U.K site says, people recommend starting the process right away because the process of donor searching can take up to a year.
SO YEAH, I GUESS WE ARE READY TO USE DONOR EGGS.
A small but very tenacious part of me thinks maybe once we are able to conceive a baby using other's eggs and DH's sperm, perhaps we can reverse the protocol to use my eggs and excelled quality  donor sperm...in a perfect ideal world.

Friday, August 16, 2013

The end of our IVF journey

All four embryos arrested, they were all fertilized but none cleaved.
I don't exactly know what or how I feel right now. I think this will hit hard later...

Met with the doctor this afternoon.  He said the chance for me to be pregnant with my own eggs is less than 1%, and that we should not pursue IVF again (in a way they won't treat me there anymore).
So we agreed that this is it for us, no more IVF, we also will not return to CHR for any treatment.

I feel like I'm still in denial..I'm grieving for my natural productive failure.