A terrible week

The week itself was great, caught on with lots of tv shows and lots of indulgence starting from gorgeous sun to awesome food.  

But I couldn't sleep, and even if I try to I'd have horrible dreams.

In one dream i dreamed that I killed someone, and later I was dying of a disease no one would tell me what it was.

I know ovulation can cause a lots of hormonal problems. We are due to start another cycle in a little over a week, I'm always wondering whether "this is it" or it ends up being another number on my chart that further validates me as an infertile. 

4 years. It has to end, soon.

Husband says I need to have hope, I do, but the fear of being broken again is already lurking around the corner:(