Limbo... Sort of

I've asked the nurse several times to confirm with the dr about the protocal for next cycle. He had indicated once that we'd do a different protocol next cycle, #6 instead of #5. I trust it's because we were able to retrieve 13eggs, granted only half were mature but it was still a much better number than he expected. I wonder if he remembers us discussing the lead follicle situation possibly caused by clomid: whenever there's clomid, I seem to have lead follicle problems. So far we have not heard back from him, the nurse said he was out until Monday. I don't need to have a discussion with him, just like to hear the rationale behind his desicions...or an indication of thoughts rather than something generic.

Another prospect of this that really annoy me, is not being able to nail anything down on my calendar. We are trying to plan for the summer, therefore the difference of a priming cycle vs. straight forward cycle makes the world of difference in terms of timing. We are talking about April or May, we are taking about buying tickets; we are talking about travel arrangements;bills;pet vaccine shots; visas; etc etc etc. There are an awful lot to consider which a simple yes or no can helps us a great deal with planning the next 6 months.

The 2nd worst part of infertility treatment is putting our lives on hold, not being able to make concrete commitments, and telling friends that we can't make our way to see them even though we have a perfect 3 months opening...

Ok I confess, also last week I took on a last minute gig which turned out to be a much bigger bite, so yeah I'm scrambling to get through with it:/ 

The positive beta-3 test is a pleasant news but really, will there be the ultimate good news that washes away all of our frustration, sadness, impatience, broken heart and physical turbulence? We just won't know.
 A simple process broken down to so any hurdles to which each hurdle either opens up more doors or shutters dreams. I don't know if I'm in denial or hopeful, because my mysteriously bad eggs and DH's older sperm obviously haven't enjoyed uniting for miracles for the past 7.5 cycles, that doesn't even include the 11 fruitless IUI we did. Why do I feel hopeful? CCRM definitely has the reputation of "miracle factory", and 13 eggs retrieved put us in the cloud of imagination for the first time, but reality is reality.  I'm not a religious person and I don't pray just to get things. But I do believe in miracles. I'm sincerely hoping mother nature will breath us some blessing, for THE one thing that we want and need so badly, and have tried so so hard for.