Aching

We arrived at our destination, it did take a few days to manage ourselves out of the completely dissary though.

Baby N is active, she actually got some sun yesterday. :)

Now back to my title for this post. You know when you are trying to survive infertility you desperately read every single blog to find courage or simply hope. I came accoss many, when I say "many" I mean it.  But I didn't start my own until I found Aubrey's blog, that subsequently led to the creation of the CCRM FB group.

I was following this particular blog on and off for a few years, sharing her beautiful writing and words of wisdom. (She has a way of depicting visuality with sheer words which is quite incredible for lazy writers like me..) She was finally pregnant after FET, I was so very happy for them as I had been cheering and hoping for her success. Today I found out that they loss their child. My heart just sank, I'm so sad because I know what that black hole feels like and what it does to living beings.

5+years of struggling with infertility and we are finally able to conceive this baby, yet at 7 month we still don't have any baby cloths, toys or anything. Maybe something in the back of my head is still feeling pessimistic-- I cannot, cannot imagine loosing her, after loosing our twin.  

...took a walk where I had a breakdown two years ago, right after the Denamrk cycles--It was so hard after failing 2 mini ivfs, the new thing that supposed to have worked for me.. not even a single transfer??  I thought I was strong but I was just...in denial. Those dark times...

Be strong, my blog sister. I know this whole sticking ordeal is insufferable and unfair, and I know you both are going through stages of grief. I'm grieving with you.