Somedays are just better than others.  I have finally completed my training program and S and I are finally able to take a break from the running arounds, we are even hosting 2 friends for the week! I have spoken to this friend of mine about our infertility struggle and the upcoming FET, she's totally and completely supportive, but when her sister came to join us, who is btw an equally sweet, awesome human being (and a mother of two young children), from that point all I could hear is kids kids kids kids kids and more kids.  I love them, but after the dinner I was feeling more and more depressed. Then Mo peed on the rug so that sucks. Basically he peed in our bed last night and now this?! I'm not sure what is happening to him??  UGH :(

FET count down

One month before we start our FET process.  I have been struggling to stay positive since there has been so much good news as well as puzzling news with the group.  What makes a perfect CCS normal embie fail to implant?? I don't get it.

Friend visit, dog, baby

Yesterday we had friends over for ball watching and pizza, it's been SO LONG since I had my last Dominal's (13years ago!) They brought their 7 months old baby, she was a beautiful, strong, fluffy, vocal little bundle of energy:) Doggie was very very curious about this little creature so he kept sniffing her feet and try to (gently) nib on them, giving his unemployed sheep dog status..:) She was sucking on an apple and he managed to steal it right from her arms! We were all shocked, haha!
Whenever I'm close to a baby, I'm very calm, there are no other feeling but that.  I don't feel sad or empty, everything just kind of dims down and I'm just enjoying a sense of peace brought by the baby.  Hopefully someday we can stare at our own baby~~

Off topic vent.. and the new CCRM PREGNANCY SUPPORT BOARD

I don't know if my body is desperately trying to regain it's hormonal balance or mixing red and rose isn't such a good idea, last night I did something that kept my head spinning almost all night.

I called someone.  Boo.

Without getting into details, (and this is  certainly not the place for it) the person is by no means a "friend", but life put us in each other's wonders by personal associations.  I was glad that the person didn't hang up the phone right away or wrestling me into a shouting match, we might have raised voices but nothing to the extreme. We had a lengthy conversation where I said most what I had been wanting to spill out of my chest, though my shoulders are still heavy from the chips.  The truth is sometimes forgivess just isn't meant to be, when no one is willing to forgive but continue to cry their losses and hurt feelings and pointing fingers. One carries their own anger but soon they are submerged in a tub of other's anger due to sense of loyalty and other obligations.  Such felling  practically holds the history altering power and thus the becoming of future. It's a war that will go for a thousand of years and eventually people forget why they even started it in the first place, but it will be too late.  We see what we want to see, whether pleasant or ugly, it's always a matter of view or a matter of taste...ok, that's my vent....
 Anyway,
A new CCRM PREGNANCY SUPPORT BOARD has been created to specifically accommodate the  CCRM graduates, amazing transformation of this group! I am very very happy to see things moving for those who went through the struggle we are all too familiar with:)
                         

I've been a lazy bum...I know!

So much has happened to the world and so little has happened to us since our confirmation of the FET.  I called my nurse fanatically, thinking that my cycle might arrive before our arrival in the US, and in that case I can at least start on BC pills, so we can avoid wasting a month, but where we are, there aren't American birth controls sold, plus the standards are different so we need to be proactive and get it just in case. No answer back. I guess she thought that since we won't do FET until Sep, there's no need to respond to our inquiries in June...However it seems like my current cycle is prolonged from 28 days to 39 days again, so that might be a good thing for timing.
Our support group is growing to exceed 200 members soon, wow. There have been both good and bad news and it touches my heart every time.  There are so much support, kindness and love, it's stunning.
My friends who are going through tough times, just want you to know that we are thinking of you, and wishing if there is anything we can do to help or at least cheer you up...

2!

2 CCS normals out of 3 tested. We are so relived...need some time to digest this new found fortune..:D

No word yet

No signs of the email from CCRM yet.....