Off topic vent.. and the new CCRM PREGNANCY SUPPORT BOARD

I don't know if my body is desperately trying to regain it's hormonal balance or mixing red and rose isn't such a good idea, last night I did something that kept my head spinning almost all night.

I called someone.  Boo.

Without getting into details, (and this is  certainly not the place for it) the person is by no means a "friend", but life put us in each other's wonders by personal associations.  I was glad that the person didn't hang up the phone right away or wrestling me into a shouting match, we might have raised voices but nothing to the extreme. We had a lengthy conversation where I said most what I had been wanting to spill out of my chest, though my shoulders are still heavy from the chips.  The truth is sometimes forgivess just isn't meant to be, when no one is willing to forgive but continue to cry their losses and hurt feelings and pointing fingers. One carries their own anger but soon they are submerged in a tub of other's anger due to sense of loyalty and other obligations.  Such felling  practically holds the history altering power and thus the becoming of future. It's a war that will go for a thousand of years and eventually people forget why they even started it in the first place, but it will be too late.  We see what we want to see, whether pleasant or ugly, it's always a matter of view or a matter of taste...ok, that's my vent....
 Anyway,
A new CCRM PREGNANCY SUPPORT BOARD has been created to specifically accommodate the  CCRM graduates, amazing transformation of this group! I am very very happy to see things moving for those who went through the struggle we are all too familiar with:)
                         

Decision time

My ultra sound showed rather dim outcome today, the lead follicles in both ovaries are growing fast, leaving the rest behind. In the regroup with Dr.Surrey, we were advised these options:

A. Go through with retrieval

   > fresh transfer?

   > bank whatever comes out?

B. Cancel the cycle and try a new cycle on protocol 6

C. Go straight to DE (this is an open option for us since the begining)

Despite the struggles with labs, meds and coordination, I was really hoping for something more encouraging, but we have to face our reality and make the best decision for ourselves.

Dr. Surrey thinks I might trigger on Sunday and have retrieval on Tuesday. The best we can get is the two leading, and maybe a few larger ones.

Update: the nurse thought that the doctor might have forgotten about my testosterone priming, in which case I can't do a fresh transfer, so we are now mostly looking at FET.

Why couldn't things be just black & white?

MORE UPDATE:
 Dr. Surrey revealed to us in our regroup today that their new CCS policy now requires 3 cycles (frozen, frozen and fresh), and they have made the price more affordable for patients.
I CAN NOT  imagine going into my 11th IVF. At this point, we have changed our direct drastically, we are NOT doing CCS, but will go through with a retrieval.  If fresh transfer isn't an option, and we have some quality embryos, we will do a FET.

These days

So much happening yet not so much happening on the baby making side.  AMAZINGLY though, our FB group now has 30 people, all perspective or current patient, all supportive and so kind!!
I'm thinking about my pen friend, Aubrey, and I wish wish wish wish wish she is sweetly blessed already after her FET.
CCRM is running an ongoing study with Acai supplement.  All the girls in the group are talking about it so I finally called my nurse, who said she would run by the doctor to see if I qualify-- I would have to take that for 3 month like every other supplement. Suddenly I CAN'T WAIT for my regroup call on Dec 2nd...!
Off to NC tomorrow to visit friends, had to board our pooch :( I already miss his rescaleness!! :)

OUR ODWU AT CCRM 10/31/2013

So we didn't go in costumes (boo).  Our day started at 6:45AM, as dawn was just started to blemish the night shade, we promptly woke up at 530am, chucked down breakfast at 6 and got to  CCRM's door right on time.  There was indeed a busy days ahead of us!  First the group class, which I'm sure is very useful  to people who are new to IVF and ART in general. But we are "veterans" (quote Dr's words), so it all sounded like yahleeyahlee, blah blah. Then we met up with Dr. S, and chatted with him about our history a bit; next we met with the financial lady whom we handed a $1000 deposits for IVF to; then came the consent lady, then my HSG (not bad at all with air pumped instead of H2O)  then lunch time, which we spent nearly all of it on DH's urology appointment across the street. In the afternoon both of us had more blood draws (We are doing most of the test back home in Philly, only did on spot the ones required to be done in house) It helps with insurance covering some of the expense, since ours doesn't cover the lab work here in Denver (said to be too close to the hospital??)
Here's what we spent so far in our ODWU

1. $1000 IVF deposit (check, this is a must if you're doing IVF)
2. $905 Blood work for both of us 
3. $326 Consultation fee
4. $450 Hysteroscope
5. $ 340 DH's urologist exam and blood draw
TOTAL = $3021

Baseline for CD5 LO: 5--7 follicles RO: 3 follicles, guess I'm back to the old routine again.
My Hysteroscope was good, no problem, my uterine blood flow came out excellent (thanks to the running), and the structure of the uterus is good. All my hardware are great, however all the problem seem to reside in the software. Apart from that, I loved our hotel the Hilton Garden inn! The room was big and the bed was very comfy! Although I did have to request another blanket :) Moreover It's literally 5 min to the clinic!
Although it is extremely uncertain that according to our history, our outcome would somehow be totally and positively opposite of what we been though with other clinics, we are hopeful, and peaceful, that we are/have made the most effort to or commitment to have a family.