Nurse called yesterday to let me know that once again, my vD level is low (27 as suppose the 30's). I stopped the vD pill in the summer because I was getting ridiculous amount of sun and lots of great, organic food. More pills, yay. Also, apparently Labcop did not perform the Antibody test, so I have to go to get it done.
Next week we get to know a lot of stuff, timing on the priming, tentative stim/retrival date, etc. Of course being the FB group adm gives me a great excuse to be mentally drained in the infertility gossip all day long, or whenever I'm on my computer/phone...
My head is spinning. Literally all day, it's spinning around the fact that after 5 years of trying, we are still babyless. I don't want to be making a holiday card with the two of us and our two furry pals smiling while trying to hint that our life is flawless.. it's not without children, by all means. We love eachother, and DH is truly an amazing human being, but I need to be a mother, or I will be sad and depressed forever.
When DH and I met, became friends, courted and finally decided to join our unions, we receive warm blessings, and also nasty predicaments, that our relationship "won't last", or we "will never have a baby because. .." I know people will say the nastiest things if it means hurting you would please them, I do not take these things to heart. Time will always do the talk, and we are just glad that these people are not part of our lives.
Why and why? All ask the question. It can't be answered because our technology isn't advanced enough to beat good embryos out of us 100% of the time, or make the embryos stick...or..so on. Moreover, where is my place among the many tales of infertile? Would I be lucky enough to pass on my/our genes to bio logical children? Or do we eventually succumb to mother nature's "winner's survival" rule, when people are feeding me stories of "single sperm IVF success", or "woman at 60's becomes mother of twins via IVF"? All seems like we at least stand some chance...right?
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