I'm anxious. I have been looking at the clock on top of the piano all afternoon, because we are triggering tonight at 10pm sharp. I've been getting some warm prayers from my friends, and god, if you are holding your remote on me, let this be my turn, that's all I am ever going to want to take a short cut on...
So far we have a total of 12 eggs on both side; right ovary is nice and perky; left is a bit timid (as usual), but we have 12 eggs, so that's good. However this is not even the beginning yet, our challenges include 1. A solid retrial 2. Good embryo development 3. Successful transfer 4. To stick or not stick...
In the past (2 cycles) we've always had about 12 eggs during stim; 7-8 at the time of retrieval; 2 or less at transfer. I've dreamed, prayed and wished so many times that somehow all of the eggs developed normally, but it never happened...I would get those dreadful phone calls from the nurse informing me the cruel reality, then somehow manage to get through the rest of the diminishing days... But hey, things could be different this time, who knows..?
Thursday, January 31, 2013
Saturday, January 26, 2013
The antagonist
Went to day 6th u/s, cold day, getting up in the morning is ever so painful now days! Ultra sounds shows left and right ovary growing total of 10 (><10) follicles, although mt left ovary was in quite "hide & seek" mood today. Well, I was expecting maybe a few more follicles given that I'm on the top dose of stim.
However the nurse called in the afternoon to say that my E2 turned out unexpectedly high (comparing to the follicle growth), the doctor is changing her plan with me, that I was to start the Antagonist tonight (with Ganirelix).
Will be back on Monday.
However the nurse called in the afternoon to say that my E2 turned out unexpectedly high (comparing to the follicle growth), the doctor is changing her plan with me, that I was to start the Antagonist tonight (with Ganirelix).
Will be back on Monday.
Thursday, January 24, 2013
The morning after..
A few days ago hubby and I went to see a movie, since I am such a terrible movie-bully, we I decided that we should see "Mama" over "Zero Dark 30" (ghost, no war!). Now mind you I am the type that is neither brave enough to see the graphic scenes nor satisfied not seeing them, so half of the time my face is behind my scarf, natural... If you haven't seen this movie, don't read this!
The film never explained the reason for "her" insanity, I joked that she must have had an IVF without insurance and it didn't work. After all. it's just a movie, but I can't seem to recover from all the creepiness, yak! :(
Wednesday, January 23, 2013
Post consultation & the ongoing IVF
We had a simple and reassuring phone consultation with the doctor at the Copenhagen Fertility Center. I called the hospital at 9:30am (3:30 CET), and a receptionist quickly transferred me to the doctor. While he was very confidant that short IVF would be the more appropriate in my case, he apologized for the price of the drugs being so high in Denmark (8000DKK=1428USD), I almost laughed -- my IUIs costs that much per cycle not including the drugs! My clinic doesn't even thaw the sperms for free-- I have to pay for the thawing (which, they take it out and put it in a little oven, booya! $100!) So far, my hanging heart is able to settle a little thinking into the future, the uncertain future.
I'm currently 3 days on stim (2Clomid+450Folistim+Menopur). I can feel things happening inside, it even irritates when I sit or bend forward. Now my biggest fear is not whether it succeeds or not, but am I going to recover from the heavy Stimulation again? I have read people entered into early menopause due to fertility drugs, what if my body stop working on its own thereafter?
I'm currently 3 days on stim (2Clomid+450Folistim+Menopur). I can feel things happening inside, it even irritates when I sit or bend forward. Now my biggest fear is not whether it succeeds or not, but am I going to recover from the heavy Stimulation again? I have read people entered into early menopause due to fertility drugs, what if my body stop working on its own thereafter?
Saturday, January 19, 2013
IVF aboard!
DH and I won't be in the States this summer (and every summer, hopefully), so naturally, I'm already planning on the future IF treatment during our absence from our clinic in NY. Of course I'm crossing my fingers for this upcoming IVF(our 6th!Yay), hopefully, all of what I am doing now will prove to be unnecessary. Because where we will be mostly during the summer, we are better off going to Denmark for IVF. After a bit extensive research, I found several hospitals in Denmark that have good reputation on IF treatment. I locked it on Copenhagen Fertility Center (I LOVE when a website is simple and informative). Everything is listed on there. Turns out the cost of IVF & IUI is about 1/3 of what I am paying (out of pocket with insurance) in NY! After thumbing through the treatment sheets I thought they were more personalized with the word "unexplained"-- with my RE, they could never identify my "unexplained self" on book so they just mark me with "poor egg quality", where in fact, at a worse case scenario, we always had one fair quality embryo to transfer, however because I also never had a m/c, evidently no embryo made it to / fail to implant, and that's where we need some answers.
Here's the Danish clinic's IVF price list--
Contract on 3 standard IVF-treatments DKK 36,500 = 6515 UDS
Microinsemination (ICSI) DKK 3,500 = 625 USD
Aspiration of sperm from the testis (TESA) DKK 4,000 = 715 USD
(The offer concerns 3 completed treatments, i.e. treatments with egg aspiration regardless of the outcome. The contract terminates with the birth of a living child.)
Assisted hatching (Zona drilling) DKK 2,500 = 446 USD
Utilization of donor sperm DKK 900 = 160 USD
Freezing and storage of sperm per year DKK 1,000 = 180 USD
Freezing of fertilized eggs DKK 2,500
Transfer of thawed, fertilized eggs DKK 4,000
Treatment with donor egg (egg donation) DKK 35,000 = 6247 USD
And so on...it is amazing HOW MUCH we are being charged so over the top for infertility treatments (procedural and cost of drugs ) in the US. Regardless where you are, they are *NOT* cheap, and so many people struggle everyday on top of stressful lives, besides the frustration of dealing with IF, they also have to battle insurance companies over coverage so they can afford to have a child of their own! WHAT THE HECK America?!?! There is no reason for it, and there is not enough help for people suffering IF..if you don't have insurance you might as well forget about it :(
Here's another form of IVF I found intersting, it's just like the micro IVF.
Japanese model / low-stimulation IVF
In recent times there has been much focus on low stimulation protocols to improve egg quality and protect patients against too much medicine, and finally the risk of overstimulation.
Likewise, the increased cost for medication on new drugs for patients a desire to reduce drug costs and still maintain a good chance of becoming pregnant was seen.
We have, in cooperation with ISMAAR organization proposed a gentle treatment with the principle that we will only have a few ovarian follicles, but maintain good pregnancy s chances.
The treatment is also called Japanese model, where we use the tablets in the form of tamoxifen or clomiphene combined with a low dose of FSH.
Our initial results were promising and now presents the first definitive treatment cycle of a total of 29 treatments has been finalized.
Pregnancy rate for these patients was 31% overall clinical pregnancy per started treatment and a total of 11 children.
The pregnancy rate for our patients up to age 40 is fully satisfactory and with medication is the price:
Low stimulation IVF 9,500 kr for the IVF and app 5000 kroner for the medication,
Thus a total of 13360 kr ( 2385 USD)
Common IVF on public hospital costs DKK 5000 for IVF treatment and approx. 10,000 in medicine:
Total public 15000 kr (2677USD)
To qualify for this treatment, the woman must be under 40 years old and have normal blood tests for FSH, LH, AMH.
*I wrote to the center (had to fill out a qualification form) and got a response the next morning, they have scheduled a phone consultation for us and the doctor next week.*
Here's the Danish clinic's IVF price list--
1 Danish Krone = 0.18 US Dollar
Contract on 3 standard IVF-treatments DKK 36,500 = 6515 UDS
Microinsemination (ICSI) DKK 3,500 = 625 USD
Aspiration of sperm from the testis (TESA) DKK 4,000 = 715 USD
(The offer concerns 3 completed treatments, i.e. treatments with egg aspiration regardless of the outcome. The contract terminates with the birth of a living child.)
Assisted hatching (Zona drilling) DKK 2,500 = 446 USD
Utilization of donor sperm DKK 900 = 160 USD
Freezing and storage of sperm per year DKK 1,000 = 180 USD
Freezing of fertilized eggs DKK 2,500
Transfer of thawed, fertilized eggs DKK 4,000
Treatment with donor egg (egg donation) DKK 35,000 = 6247 USD
And so on...it is amazing HOW MUCH we are being charged so over the top for infertility treatments (procedural and cost of drugs ) in the US. Regardless where you are, they are *NOT* cheap, and so many people struggle everyday on top of stressful lives, besides the frustration of dealing with IF, they also have to battle insurance companies over coverage so they can afford to have a child of their own! WHAT THE HECK America?!?! There is no reason for it, and there is not enough help for people suffering IF..if you don't have insurance you might as well forget about it :(
Here's another form of IVF I found intersting, it's just like the micro IVF.
Low Cost IVF
Cheap IVF treatmentJapanese model / low-stimulation IVF
In recent times there has been much focus on low stimulation protocols to improve egg quality and protect patients against too much medicine, and finally the risk of overstimulation.
Likewise, the increased cost for medication on new drugs for patients a desire to reduce drug costs and still maintain a good chance of becoming pregnant was seen.
We have, in cooperation with ISMAAR organization proposed a gentle treatment with the principle that we will only have a few ovarian follicles, but maintain good pregnancy s chances.
The treatment is also called Japanese model, where we use the tablets in the form of tamoxifen or clomiphene combined with a low dose of FSH.
Our initial results were promising and now presents the first definitive treatment cycle of a total of 29 treatments has been finalized.
Pregnancy rate for these patients was 31% overall clinical pregnancy per started treatment and a total of 11 children.
The pregnancy rate for our patients up to age 40 is fully satisfactory and with medication is the price:
Low stimulation IVF 9,500 kr for the IVF and app 5000 kroner for the medication,
Common IVF on public hospital costs DKK 5000 for IVF treatment and approx. 10,000 in medicine:
Total public 15000 kr (2677USD)
To qualify for this treatment, the woman must be under 40 years old and have normal blood tests for FSH, LH, AMH.
*I wrote to the center (had to fill out a qualification form) and got a response the next morning, they have scheduled a phone consultation for us and the doctor next week.*
Wednesday, January 16, 2013
Out fishing...!
DH and I decided take a short trip into the Catskills today. As we were pulling out the garage, we called to confirm our reservation, only to learn that our reservation actually "fell through", so we thought why not just throw ourselves out here and see where we end up?
The snow was beautiful, the drive was smooth and scenic. I was so fed up with noises of the city (NY! Go figure!); the constant heartache in our IF treatment; the lack of trees and nature, that I really really really wanted to be AWAY from it all, for a day. We drove by several places along the Catskills mountain but sadly the Inns were mostly all closed, or door's open but no one around...
Finally we came up to Hunter Mountain, a pretty awesome ski spot town. Luckily finding a room here was easy, and they are reasonably priced because it's during the week (no need to haggle!) and the place is new construction so things are nice and bright. I was prepared to stay in a dark stinky motel since we didn't have any plans hatched :)
I don't think I am (mentally) fully aware (or want to) of how stressful the last 3 years have been for us, both of us. Our lives were militarized Every month I follow the safe protocol -- AF --> day 2 blood & u/s --> back in 6 days blood & u/s --> OPK --> Trigger----------------------------------> BFN; ----->AF...........by now I'm so familiar with the systems that I can practically write a manual for the new patients (It's amazing my clinic hasn't dropped me). ..Like someone said, when she is in her treatment, life seems to be promising... My heart throbs with the thought of somehow, this time, our dream might come true -- meanwhile I feel increasingly embarrassed seeing the same staffs over and over and over again. I sense the genuinely sorriness they feel for me, but I just kept coming back... Last night I dreamed that I had a positive hpt, which I immediately corrected myself--in my own dream!
Now I'm really beat, my head feels like it's stuffed with cotton (my writing probably doesn't make much sense at this point). DH is out picking up some Chinese, poor guy, he was so excited for the exotic cuisines in the local restaurants...
Poptar for breakfast :)
I don't think I am (mentally) fully aware (or want to) of how stressful the last 3 years have been for us, both of us. Our lives were militarized Every month I follow the safe protocol -- AF --> day 2 blood & u/s --> back in 6 days blood & u/s --> OPK --> Trigger----------------------------------> BFN; ----->AF...........by now I'm so familiar with the systems that I can practically write a manual for the new patients (It's amazing my clinic hasn't dropped me). ..Like someone said, when she is in her treatment, life seems to be promising... My heart throbs with the thought of somehow, this time, our dream might come true -- meanwhile I feel increasingly embarrassed seeing the same staffs over and over and over again. I sense the genuinely sorriness they feel for me, but I just kept coming back... Last night I dreamed that I had a positive hpt, which I immediately corrected myself--in my own dream!
Now I'm really beat, my head feels like it's stuffed with cotton (my writing probably doesn't make much sense at this point). DH is out picking up some Chinese, poor guy, he was so excited for the exotic cuisines in the local restaurants...
Well, good night! Y'all!
Monday, January 14, 2013
A day under the blanket
My cat sleeps all day and all night, and she loves it under the blanket--I guess it makes her feel safe and cozy... that is something I'm so desperately needing today. I sobbed all day on my husband's shoulder. He gazed at me with sad eyes and said:"never give up hope, you know I always have your back, we will solve this..you and I." and then we made a pinkie promise... he is my beautiful, safe and cozy blanket.
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