When Love Doesn't Conquer Everything

Some days are just better than others.
Today is one of those "meh" days.
I feel like a determined baby sea turtle crawling out of sand hole, trying to make my way to the blue ocean. I'm not alone, there are many of us, my brothers and sisters, defenseless and naive. It's a short struggle to where we belong, where we will feel safe and completed for many, many years. But, alas, the price we pay! Our natural enemies are gawking, they take us for delicious meals and they feed us to their hungry little ones. Nature's order. Some of us escape, some don't. The ones escaped their land enemies are far from safe, they still need to watch out for hiding dangers in the ocean while growing to be stronger.
Trying to have a baby by any method echoes every bit of this analogy.  Infertility will take you, without any reasonable explanation or mercy, it will consume you with anger, sorrow and jealousy. There is no answer as to why infertility happens to some people, while others breath out babies. Human reproductive system is composed of many components, it's a factory that is suppose to work self efficiently. When the factory suffers malfunction, the chain is broken. A.R.T is suppose to fix it so we can get back on production schedule, but there is no guaranty.
Yesterday my poor husband S had his 9th TESE. We rushed the tissue to the cryo bank, so far we haven't received any bad news, since the cryo tech warned us that we need to be prepared in the event that "they don't find any sperm from the TESE tissue."  This hasn't even crossed my mind. If there are anything we can count on, it's MY triple lining & HIS sperm. These two never fail us despite our bumpy IVF upbringing.
The urologist who once called us "the unfortunate couple" said that he admire us for being so persistent.  We are just two adults wanting to have a few babies to raise, that's not much to ask from life.
In Denmark, our latest RE said if one of us can produce something supreme quality, we would had much better than 1% chance with our own parts, hence either the Egg or the Sperm. Sadly my "age advantage" doesn't bring me any upper hand but continue to disappoint us with less -than -adequate egg quality.
The SHITTIEST thing about INFERTILITY is there is no guaranty.  You can work your ass off, and still be childless. There is no ending to infertility unless we are willing to give up something.
Love doesn't conquer infertility, love motivate us to challenge infertility and give it a hell of fight.